Why Matt? Why?
by snow642
Summary: "No! No more, Mello! I am sick of it! I want to live my own life! I don't want to be your stupid little puppy that is always wait for his master to return or going around looking for his master who abandoned him!" Matt snapped at Mello for the first time in his life. "I'm done so leave me alone!"
1. Chapter 1: Why Matt? Why?

Pain... Suffering... Hate... Love... Torn... Into... Half...

The agonizing pain never left Matt even once...but it wasn't just the pain that you feel when you are scathed with an ordinary injury...

He feels it in him...lingering...his soul repeatedly slashed. He couldn't comprehend himself. Even his coherent mind couldn't explain why.

He once thought of the reason he should live when everything in this world is meaningless...as meaningless as toys that were beyond repair.

He focuses on his one true purpose of living... But...it seemed like false hope...he should have never left Wammy if he knew his future would crumble like this...

And who was to blame? He growl angrily. Mello.

He should have never followed his friend in the first place! He knew he'll regret it if he follows! But why did he? He knew the consequences...but why did he still follow his blond haired friend with the overly powerful ego?

...Why?

He look up at the mirror, no...Mello isn't to blame...he was the one that stupidly follow Mello...he know his loyalty to his blond haired friend is what made him throw aside everything...he can regret all he want...he can leave but his loyalty to Mello will always make him come back...unless...

He shake his head like he's trying to shake out his dark thoughts. No! He can't do that! He promised Mello! ...But does it matter?

The redhead lights a cigarette meekly while staring at the cold ground, he pull up his goggles and let his tears flow down his face. "Mello, I-I'm so sorry...I don't think I can take this anymore. I'm sorry. I hope you can find someone who is better than me. I hope you can find someone who won't hurt you..."

He walks out of his bathroom, he took out his gun and aims it at his head "I'm sorry Mello...I'm so sorry I'm not strong enough..."

Just as he was about to pull the trigger Mello walked in "Hey Matt-" Mello stop as he stare at his redheaded friend pointing a gun at his own head.

Matt's eyes widen as he turn towards Mello and stare at him with wide eyes, shaking slightly as he saw his eyes narrow and he clutch his fists.

"Matt...what do you think you're doing?" He asked calmly but his eyes locked onto Matt's, that predatory glint shining in an angry passion. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" He walk towards Matt and knock the gun out of his hand.

Matt couldn't evade the punch that suddenly collided with his cheek after the gun was knocked to the other side of the room. The newly lit cigarette flew from his mouth and on the ground.

Matt wisely stood silently, not making a sound as he was thrown aside, his back colliding with the wall, he winced and moaned softly, trying as hard as he could to stay quiet as Mello's deathly grip on his shirt made him fear for more sharp blows.

No...please...Mello...no more... He couldn't look up...he couldn't look Mello in the eye... He can't stand seeing the disappointment, angry and sadness his eyes hold...

"Look at me you bastard! Why the fuck were you trying to kill yourself? Answer me!" Mello yelled angrily as he shake him, like it's going to make him talk.

Matt stays quiet, looking at anything but Mello and that just pissed him off even more, Mello throw Matt onto the floor and started kicking him. Matt whimper softly but was otherwise quiet, he curl up in an attempt to soften Mello's kicks.

Mello growl angrily as he pull him up by his hair "Had enough? You insensitive bastard!" He grab the front of his shirt again with one hand, the other grab his chin roughly and force Matt to look at him.

Matt shut his eyes tightly as his body shake in pain, afraid of what his blond haired friend have in mind.

"Mail..." He whisper softly.

He froze in shock, a slight sniffle was heard from his friend...and out of an excruciating curiosity he open his eyes...

Mihael?

He held his breath... Never...he has never seen Mello shed tears... Tears that roll down his face...he has never seen Mello cry before...

"Mihael..." He whisper softly and frees himself of Mello's grip, to wrap his arms around him in an embrace...

He is still like before...Mello couldn't help but smile...

"Don't die, Mail..." he begged softly, burying his head on his friend's chest. "Please don't die...please... Promise me you won't die..."

"Mihael, I'm...sorry. I can't promise you anything...I won't promise you anything I am not 100% sure I'll be able to keep..."

Mello narrow his eyes "Tch fine. Then I'll die if you do. I may be smart. But my stubborness exceeds it."

Matt couldn't help but groan "Don't be stupid, Mello. I'm not worth it."

Mello glare angrily. "You're the one that's stupid! You're my best friend and you've helped me without question, without asking for anything in return and I can't even return the favor! Not once am I able to help you with anything!"

Matt's eyes soften as he look at Mello "Mihael...you don't have to do anything for me." He smile softly "You're friendship is more than enough."

"Is it really? If it is then why did you try to kill yourself?" Mello snapped angrily "If it is enough then why did you try to take your own life, Mail Jeevas!?"

Matt close his eyes and look away, not saying a single word, making Mello angrier. He grab his shirt again as his other hand pin Matt against the wall, making Matt look up at him, he look down at Matt, he hair cover his eyes as tears run down his face.


	2. Chapter 2: Why Mello? Why?

"Matt...please tell me what's wrong...please...I don't want to loose my best friend..." He begged softly, hoping...hoping that Matt will tell him the truth. Please Matt...please don't lie to me...

Matt close his eyes tightly for awhile before opening them and smile "Nothing is wrong, Mello. I was just wondering how it feels like to get shot in the head and I was stupid enough to think it was a good idea. I'm sorry I worried you. I promise it would never happen again."

Mello's heart sank when he heard Matt lie through his teeth. Why Matt? Why are you lying to me? I always tell you my problems but you never told me any of yours. Why? Why don't you trust me enough to tell me?

Matt smile nervously as he gently rub the back of his neck "Well...err...I am really really sorry I wasted your time, Mello. I'm sure you have a lot of work to do and-" He didn't get a chance to finish as Mello punch the wall right next to his face.

He stare at Mello fearfully as he glare at him angrily. "Stop giving me that bullshit, Matt! Do you think I'm an idiot? I know something is wrong so why won't you let me help you!?" Mello clutch his fists as he shake in anger.

Matt close his eyes sadly as he look away "I can't..."

Mello narrow his eyes "You can't or you won't?"

Matt open his eyes and smile sadly "I can't tell you..."

"Why not? Don't you trust me, Matt? Is that it? You don't trust me enough to tell me?" He look upset as he wait for am answer.

"Please don't ask anymore, Mello. I can't answer your questions...and I don't want to lie to you..."

Mello took a deep breath and stomp out of the room.

Matt look down as he slide onto the floor and cover his face, trying to hold back his tears. He looked up when he heard the front door open, he runs into the living room just in time to see Mello walk out of the house with his things.

Matt's eyes widen in shock "Me-Mello? Where are you going?"

Mello narrow his eyes as he glance towards him "It's none of your business but if you must know I am going to Near's house. Call me when you're ready to stop giving me your bullshit!"

Matt sank onto the floor as he watch Mello walk out of the house. His eyes tear up and he broke down crying when he can no longer hear the sound of Mello's motorcycle...

Mello walk into Near's room and hugs him closely. "Near..."

Near leans up and gently kiss him "Hello Mello. What are you doing here?"

"What? So now I can't visit my boyfriend?" He rise his eyebrow.

"Of course you can but people don't usually bring all their things along with them if they are just visiting." He twirl his hair as he glance towards Mello's bags.

"Yeah well I can't stay with Matt any longer but let's not talk about him." He picks him up and gently lay him on his bed. "I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Do you not trust me, Mello?" Near look up at him.

"Can you blame me for not trusting you?" He unbutton his shirt and gently kiss his chest. "You're all mine."

"All yours, Mello." Near leans up and kiss him...

Matt curl up in the corner of his room with his blanket wrap tightly around him. How long has he been sitting there?

He open his eyes which were no longer shining bright blue but now blood red and dull, his once lively eyes no longer hold the happiness and love that made it shine but is now filled with pain and sadness.

I am so sorry, Mello. I could tell you why I'm depressed, why I cry and hurt inside. But that would reveal everything I've tried to hide. I could tell you what is wrong. But I'm so used to quietly and sweetly lying to you. I could tell you how much I hurt inside, how I really feel. But that would make the pain real.

I'm so sorry, Mello...but even if I did tell you...you won't be able to help me...won't be able to save me from this heart break...

After all...you were the one who broke my heart...

Am I not good enough?

What makes him so special?

Were you lying when you said you love me before?

Did we make love or was I just your fuck buddy?

...Why Mello?

Why did you make me fall head over heels in love with you?

When you had no intention to catch me?

Why can't you love me?

Why do I love you?

...Why?

I was there for you...even when you didn't wanted me to...I was there for you when you found out that Near was cheating on you for Gevanni...when you were doing drugs...when you were cutting yourself...I was always there, I never left your side...

So why?

After everything that he did...after everything that I did...

Why do you still love him?

Why can't you love me?

Why Mello?

...Why?

Why must I listen to you?

You don't like that I cut myself...but you were the one who started cutting first...

It hurts...

Why?

Why must you hurt me so badly and take away the only thing that comforted me?

I want to cut again...

It feels good...

It is beautiful...

The blood flowing down my wrists...

The beautiful red that I have been addicted to...

That I am still addicted to...

But I can't cut because I promised Mello I would stop...

But why should I listen to him?

He who has hurt me deeply...who has walked out of my life more than once...

Why?

Why!?

WHY!?

Why do I follow him everywhere he goes!?

Why is he the one I am loyal to!?

Why is he the one I love?

Why...someone please tell me why...I don't know how much longer I can stand this before I completely loose my sanity...or maybe I have already lost it?

Who knows...

I sure as hell don't...

What am I to do?

What can I do?

After all...

I am nothing more...

Then a heartbroken dog that is wishing for the impossible...


	3. Chapter 3: Matt!

"Come on, Near. The sooner we check on Matt the sooner we can leave." Mello said as he walk towards the apartment.

"You should have checked on him sooner instead of waiting a week." Near twirl his hair as he follow Mello closely.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Oi Matt!" He called out as he opens the front door only to find it unlocked. "Damn does he want to get robbed or something? Shit! I leave him for a week and the place is already this dusty. That lazy piece of shit is going to get it when I get my hands on him."

Near walk into the dusty apartment, he looks around and frown slightly. "Mello...I don't think he didn't clean up the place because he was lazy." He said as he pick up a dusty piece of paper and hand it to him.

Mello's heart sank when he saw what was written on the paper...when he saw what it was written with. He quickly drop the paper and ran to Matt's room while calling out Matt's name, hoping Matt will reply him.

As the paper landed on the floor it shows "I am so very sorry, Mello." clearly written in blood.

Mello turn the whole place upside down trying to look for Matt...trying to look for any clues...anything that would tell him where his redheaded friend has gone to.

"Mello..." Near gently grab his arm as he run pass him for the fifth time. "Calm down, Mello. I am sure Matt will be alright."

Mello look at Near with many emotions on his face but the emotion that is clearly shown is worry. "How would you know? All his things are gone so he's most probably never planning to come back! I-I shouldn't have left him alone! Why did I? Why...why?"

"Calm down and take a deep breath, Mello. Matt has always return to your side no matter what right? So just give him so time to himself. He will come back."

"No...this time it's different...he never left me before...it was always the other way around...for him to leave..." He sit on the couch. "So this is how it feels like...I...I always leave him...is this how he feels all the time I leave him? How can he stand the pain? How...how is he able to forgive me time and time again? Forgive me for hurting him by leaving without saying a single word..." He cover his face in shame...

Matt hiss softly as he gently clean his wounds. "That's the last time I'm ever going to get into a bar fight...even if I did win. Oh well on the bright side I got this cool new blade."

He quickly wrap up his shoulder and hand. "But it was totally not a good idea to grab the blade with my bare hand...even if it did shock that asshole that stabbed me in the shoulder enough for me to kick his ass..." He matter softly as he keep his things and lay down on the bed.

He groan softly as he cover his ears with the pillow. "I really need to get an apartment. Cheap motels are not the best or the quietest place to sleep." He sigh as he got up "It's no use. I can't sleep."

He got out of bed and put on his shirt. "Oh well I might as well start looking for a better place to stay."

He turn on his laptop. "Hmm...lets see...there's a place not to far away from here but I want something not to close to a few places...hmm...maybe I should just leave the country..."

He leans back and run his hand through his hair as he thinks. "But were do I go? Hmm...I can go to Japan. They won't think to look there after what happened with the Kira case. But I'll have to be careful with the police...well then Japan it is."

He bought the plane ticket that leaves in an hour and quickly pack up his things. He got on the bus as he had left his car at the apartment. He smile slightly to himself as he look out for the window.

A new start...I feel...free...but I also feel like running back to Mello... He shake his head and took out his gameboy. No, I will not go back to him. This is a new start for me. I will not go back. He play his game in an attempt to keep his mind off of Mello. He look up when the bus pull up in front of the airport.

He keep his gameboy as he pick up his bags and got off the bus. He took a few deep breath to calm himself before walking towards the plane.

It took awhile for him to sneak his blade onto the plane but it was worth it. He look out for the plane, watching the clouds as he relax himself for the long trip ahead of him...

"He isn't here either..." Mello whisper in disappointment as he look around the park. His hood over his head to block out the sun. He has been looking for days but there is still no sign of his redheaded friend.

Near promised he will look for him too when he left to go to his HQ but he haven't heard a world from him since that day.

He has search everywhere he can think of but still nothing...does Matt feel the same disappointment every time he reach a dead end? How does he keep on going?

"Please be safe, Matt..." He whisper softly as he look up at the sky...

Matt smile and bow slightly "Thank you, please come again."

Not long after Matt landed in Japan he found an apartment and a job at a cafe. The pay isn't much but he can live with it. After all, it isn't hard for him to get some more...extra cash if he really needs it.

Matt smile as he turn to his next customer before his eyes widen slightly. In front of him is Matsuda one of the police in the Kira case.

He smile brightly as he would to any other customers and ask him what he won't like to order while on the inside he was cursing his luck and hope he won't recognize him.

After placing his order he look at Matt closely. "Have we met before? You look familiar..."

Matt smile as he quickly give Matsuda his order. "No I don't think so. I just moved here not to long ago." He looks calm on the outside but on the inside he is a nervous wreck.

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I've seen you before..." He matter the last part as he pay him.

"Yes I am sure." He thank whatever god is up there that he didn't wear his goggles to work today.

"I see...sorry I must have mistaken you for someone else." He pick up his order. "Well I have to go. Bye." He walks away.

"Thank you, please come again." He bow slightly and quickly walk towards the break room. "Hey I have to go can someone take over me and tell the boss that today is my last day and he doesn't have to pay me? Thanks. Bye."He quickly grab all his things and ran out before anyone reply him...

Matsuda sit at his desk, still thinking about the guy he saw at the cafe...he was sure he has saw him somewhere before...he took a sip of his coffee and look around his desk.

He's eyes landed on the small chocolate cake that he bought and something in his mind clicked. "Matt!" He yelled as he shot up from his sit.

Aizawa look up from his work and glare at Matsuda. "Matsuda there are people who would want to do their work in peace." He snapped, looking tired and annoyed.

Matsuda smile nervously as he rub the back of his neck. "Sorry. I just remembered where I saw someone who was working at the cafe I got my coffee from."

Aizawa sigh and gently rub his forehead. "Is this Matt person your friend?"

Matsuda shake his head. "No he is Mello's friend remember?"

Aizawa's eyes widen. "That Matt? Red hair, wearing goggles?"

"Well...he wasn't wearing his goggles...that's why it took me so long to figure out who he is."

"We better call Near to let him know we found him..."

"Huh? Near is looking for him?"

"Yeah. He called when you were gone. It seems that he has run away and ask us to keep an eye out for him."

"Alright. Let's call him now." Matsuda nodded...

Matt sigh softly as he lay on his bed. "I am glad I found this place so quickly and it's far from where they will be looking for me."

He sit up and look around "Well I better start looking for a new job." He stood up and walk towards out of his apartment... "

What do you mean he's gone!?" Mello yelled angrily at the task force.

"It meant what it meant." Aizawa said, looking annoyed. "He quit his job and the apartment his boss said he lived in is empty."

"Damn it!" Mello punch the wall.

"Ca-calm down, Mello. We'll help you find him." Matsuda said nervously.

"I'll look for him myself!" Mello yelled as he stomp out of the police station. "He's still in Japan. I can feel it." He hissed...

"Oi Matt, you're up." Matt look up and smile. "Alright boss!" He got up and walk towards the stage. He was lucky to have found a job pretty quickly, all he had to do is sing and look cool on stage.

He sang a few songs and just as he was about to start singing another song he saw Mello walk into the bar from the corner of his eye.

He froze and was about to run out before he got an idea. He started singing again. Why do I love you by Westlife.

Suddenly he's

Leaving

Suddenly the

Promise of love has gone

Suddenly

Breathing seems so hard to do

He glance towards Mello to see him ordering a drink.

Carefully you

Planned it

I got to know just

A minute to late, oh boy

Now I understand it

All the times we

Made love together

Baby you were thinking of him

Mello leans back and drink his drink.

Why do I love you

Don't even want to

Why do I love you like I do

Like I always do

You should've told me

Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)

Why do I love you like I do

Mello look over to the stage and his eyes widen.

Ain't gonna show no

Weakness

I'm gonna smile

And tell the whole world I'm fine

I'm gonna keep my senses

But deep down

When no one can hear me

Baby I'll be crying for you

Matt ignore him and continue singing.

Why do I love you

Don't even want to

Why do I love you like I do

Like I always do

You should've told me

Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)

Why do I love you like I do

Mello got out of his sit and slowly walk towards the stage.

Can't go back

Can't erase

Baby your smiling face oh no

I can think of nothing else but you

Suddenly

Matt look towards Mello and their eyes meet.

Why do I love you

Don't even want to

Why do I love you like I do

Like I always do

You should've told me

Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)

Mello froze in his place as he look into Matt's clear blue eyes only to see so much pain and sadness in them.

Why do I love you

Don't even want to

Why do I love you like I do

Like I always do

You should've told me

Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)

Why do I love you like I do

Matt look away from Mello and look towards the crowd.

(Fade)

Why do I love you

Don't even want to

Why do I love you like I do

Like I always do

You should've told me

Why did you have to be untrue (love you like I do)

Why do I love you like I do

He bow once he finish singing and quickly start the next song. Always by Saliva.

I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"

It's telling me all of these things

That you would probably hide!

Am I your one and only desire?

Am I the reason you breathe,

Or am I the reason you cry?

Matt glance towards Mello again.

Always, always, always,

Always, always, always,

I just can't live without you!

Matt look into Mello's eyes.

I love you!

I hate you!

I can't get around you!

I breathe you,

I taste you!

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess that I'm out the door

And now I'm done with you!

Matt glare at him coldly.

(Done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you)

I feel, like you don't want me around

I guess I'll pack all my things

I guess I'll see you around

It's all, been bottled up till now

As I walk out your door

All I can hear is the sound!

Matt lazily wave at Mello.

Always, always, always,

Always, always, always

I just can't live without you!

He looks away, not wanting to look at Mello anymore.

I love you,

I hate you,

I can't get around you!

I breathe you,

I taste you,

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess that I'm out the door

And now I'm done with you.

Mello start walking towards the stage again.

I love you,

I hate you,

I can't live without you.

Matt gently wrap his hand into a fist and lay it over his heart.

I wrap my hand around your heart,

Why would you tear my world apart?

He quickly move his hand away in a way that looks like he just rip out his own heart.

Always, always, always, always.

He look down at both his hands, he look up, tilt his head slightly as he glare at Mello coldly.

I see, the blood all over your hands

Does it make you feel, more like a man?

Was it all, just a part of your plan?

The pistols' shakin' in my hands

And all I hear is the sound!

He hold up his hand that is now in a shape of a gun and point it at his head the same way he was holding his gun not to long ago.

I love you,

I hate you,

I can't live around you!

I breathe you,

I taste you,

I can't live without you!

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I guess that I'm out the door

And now I'm done with you.

Mello walk faster towards Matt, pushing others away only to be stopped by the guards.

I love you,

I hate you,

I can't live without you!

I love you,

I hate you,

I can't live without you.

I just can't take anymore

This life of solitude

I pick myself off the floor,

And now I'm done with you.

Mello glare at the guards and push them aside as Matt watch them coldly.

Always,

Always,

Always.

Mello climb onto the stage just as Matt finish singing and quickly grab his arm. "Matt..."


	4. Chapter 4: Leave me alone!

"Matt..." Mello whisper softly as he look at his redheaded friend. Gone with the goggles that he loves to wear, showing his beautiful blue eyes that should be filled with happiness and love instead of looking so cold and empty as it is now but behind that he can clearly see the pain and sadness that he is hiding.

"Please let go of me. I am tired and I would like to rest." Matt said coldly as he turn away from Mello.

"Matt please...come back with me...I need you..."

Matt laugh coldly as he turn towards Mello "You need me? Ha! Don't make me laugh! The person you need is Near not me! So go back to that little sheep of yours and leave me alone!"

Mello was taken aback by what Matt had just said. "What? No Matt. I need you just as much as I need him."

Matt chuckle softly. "That's a whole load of bullshit and you know as well as I do, you'll choose him over me any day of the week."

Mello shake his head. "No Matt...I would never..."

"Yeah right." Matt said sarcastically and pull his arm back. "Just leave me alone. I can take care of myself."

Mello look at him sadly. "Matt please..."

"No! No more, Mello! I am sick of it! I want to live my own life! I don't want to be your stupid little puppy that is always wait for his master to return or going around looking for his master who abandoned him!" Matt snapped at Mello for the first time in his life. "I'm done so leave me alone!"

Mello's heart shattered as he listen to his best friend. Did he really hurt him so much without knowing? Is this why he tried to kill himself?

Matt started singing. I don't care by Apocalyptica.

I try to make it through my life,  
In my way, there's you  
I try to make it through these lies  
And that's all, I do

Matt gently caress Mello's cheek.

Just don't deny it  
Don't try to fight this  
And deal with it  
That's just part of it.

Mello close his eyes slightly as he lean against his hand.

If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care,  
I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind  
Cause I swear (I swear)  
I don't care

Matt moves his hand away from Mello like touching Mello has burnt him.

I try to make you see my side  
I always try to stay in line  
But your eyes see right through  
That's all they do  
I'm getting buried in this place  
I've got no room you're in my face  
Don't say anything just go away

He glare at Mello coldly as he back away from him.

If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care,  
I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind,  
Cause I swear  
I swear  
I don't care,

The guards drag Mello off the stage and pull him towards the door.

(Love changing everything)  
(You won't be there for me)

(Love changing everything)  
(You won't be there for me)

Matt watch them coldly as Mello tries to struggle free.

If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care,  
I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind,  
Cause I swear  
I swear  
I don't care

Matt got off the stage and walks towards them.

If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care,  
I don't care  
Just go and leave this all behind,  
I don't care  
I swear  
I don't care

He stood in front of Mello and whisper the last two words of the song into his ear.

At all

Matt glare at him and walk backstage as the guards throw Mello out the door.

"I'm going home now. Sorry about him." Matt apologised to his boss and pick up his things.

"It's alright, Matt. Maybe you should take a few days off to clear your mind."

Matt smile tiredly. "Thank you...I would like that very much." He walks out from the back, looking around to make sure Mello isn't around before walking back to his apartment...

Mello sit in his hotel room with his face in his hands as he bow his head in shame.

He couldn't believe it...how could he have been so blind...how could he not see that he was hurting his friend...and now because of that he has lost his best friend...no...no he will win him back!

He will do whatever it takes to win him back! After all, they have been best friends since day one in Wammy's so he knows him better than anyone...right?

...Right?

He is unsure. He took out Matt's car key, the only thing that he left behind...the only thing he have of him...

He holds the key in his hand tightly, like it will disappear and leave him alone.

Just you wait Matt. I will show you just how much you really mean to me...this time I will be the one who fix our friendship...

Matt curl up in the corner of his bed as he wrap his blanket around himself tightly.

He lied...he lied when he said he didn't care about Mello...he still cares about him...he is still the only person who cares about him more than anything or anyone in the world...he cares about him even more than he cares about himself...but what was he suppose to do?

He has gotten selfish...he likes his new found freedom...likes to live his life however he want...away from the past worry...away from Mello...he can't go back with him only to get hurt all over again...he is hurt enough as it is he might not be able to handle it if he gets hurt even more...he might end up trying to kill himself again...and he can't do that because he promised Mello he won't.

He shakes his head. No no no no no! Why is it because of him again? Why can't it be because he still wants to live?

...Why?

He sighs softly as he leans back against the wall.

Can't you see what you're doing to me, Mello?

Can't you see that you are my world...my everything...you're the most important person in my life and yet...I don't mean that much to you...do you ever care?

Tell me, Mello...what am I to you? A fool? A joke? A tool? What am I...just what am I to you?

He closes his eyes and start singing as he feels that singing helps him calm down. Goodbye by Everlife

I'm better off  
Just pretending like I never really knew you  
I gotta stop  
Holding hands with the memory I'm feeling  
I gotta say  
Something's different 'bout the way I see you lately  
You feel the same  
I can see it in your eyes I think it's changing  
The blame won't fall on either side

He gently wipe away all his tears.

Can you feel it breaking into pieces underneath?  
Someone's gotta say it  
It might as well be me  
Goodbye  
It wasn't right this time  
Goodbye

He thought back to all the times they spent together.

We should've known  
There was always something that we were missing  
I'm letting go of this  
Even though it's hard, I know it's the best thing  
Good intentions fall  
There's nowhere to hide

He wrap the blanket over his head, hiding his whole body under it.

Can you feel it breaking into pieces underneath?  
Someone's gotta say it  
It might as well be me  
Goodbye  
It wasn't right this time  
Goodbye

He smile sadly as he gently tag his hair.

I don't want to tell you  
What I have to say  
We don't have to be sorry  
It just worked out this way  
I don't want to, but I have to  
I don't want to  
I don't want to, but I have to  
I don't want to  
I don't want to, but I have to  
I don't want to

He close his eyes tightly as he feels his eyes tear up.

Can you feel it breaking into pieces underneath?  
Someone's gotta say it  
It might as well be me  
Goodbye (I don't wanna say)  
Goodbye  
Goodbye

He curl up tightly as his hide his face in his knees.

It wasn't right this time  
Goodbye  
It wasn't right  
Goodbye

He whisper the last part softly as tears flow down his face.

I am sorry, Mello. But maybe leaving you was for the best...I don't know if I can't stand living with you anymore...

He gently wipe his tears away as he got out of bed with the blanket still wrap around him.

Should I leave? I'm tired of running away...but can I really face Mello right now? Should I? He'll come back again...I'm sure of it...so maybe...maybe it is time to face him...after all I can't run away forever...even if I want to I can't...I'll have to face him sooner or later...I guess sooner is better than later...

He got dressed, put his goggles over his eyes and he walk towards the bar that he worked in, knowing Mello will be there to look for him.

He sees Mello arguing with his boss, both look very angry so he walk towards them quickly to break it up.

"Mello..."

Mello quickly look towards him "Matt..."

Matt smile at his boss. "I'll take it from here."

"Are you sure, Matt? I can take care of him for you."

Matt shakes his head. "No it's alright. I have to do this on my own."

"Alright Matt. Be careful." He glares at Mello one last time before going back into his bar.

Matt walks away from the bar and towards a park, not saying anything as Mello follows him closely, not daring to touch him but not wanting to be far from him incase he disappear from him again.

They enter the park and took a sit, Matt looking forward quietly as he ignores Mello's stare.

Mello look at his redheaded friend, unsure of what to say...how to start...

"Matt..." He said softly like if he talks too loud he will shatter the peace they have between them.

"No Mello. I don't want to hear your apologies. I just want you to know that it's better if we go our separate ways." Matt said coldly and without a hint of emotion.

Mello's heart tightens and it feels hard to breathe. "You don't mean that." He choked out.

"I meant ever word I said. You shouldn't have came here looking for me." He said it the same way as before, cold and without any emotions.

"You're my friend, Matt...I don't want to lose you..."

"It's for the best. You have your life to live and I have my own life to live."

"Can't we live our lives together?" Mello asked hopefully.

"We can't." Matt got up, his hands in his pocket. "I've said my part. I am leaving now." He turns to walk away.

Mello panicked as he watch him walk away. No! Don't leave me! You can't! Please come back! I can't lose my best friend! Not again, not ever! I'll do anything to keep you by my side!

"Matt!" He called out as he run towards him.

Matt turn around just in time to have a cloth shoved over his nose and mouth. Shit! It's chloroform! He thought as he tries to push Mello away from him but Mello hold onto him tightly and Mello was always stronger than him.

He tries not to breathe in but eventually he couldn't handle it anymore, he started feeling light headed and the last thing he saw before he black out was Mello's eyes.

ste your document here...


	5. Chapter 5: Please let me go!

Matt groans softly as he open his eyes, he sit up and gently rub his eyes sleepy. He cover his mouth as he yawn softly, reaching towards the side of the bed where he have a small table which he use to put his goggles when he sleep only to feel an empty space.

His eyes widen as he look around the room which is definitely not his, he narrow his as he remembered what happened yesterday.

Damn Mello! How dare he kidnap me! Matt growl angrily as he got out of bed quickly and rush towards the door only to be stopped by the collar around his neck that's chained to the bed.

He growl when he saw that there's a lock on the collar and was going to take out the pin he keeps in his pocket only to see that he's only in his boxers.

He sigh as he look around the room to see if there's anything he can use to unlock the collar. His eyes widen when he saw the key sitting innocently on the table next to the door.

He tried everything he could think of but there's nothing he could use to get it and it's to far for him to grab it himself.

He close his eyes and took a deep breath before rolling up the blanket and try to get the key.

Just as the blanket landed on top of the table and he was about to sweep the key towards him, Mello open the door and walked in.

Mello narrow his eyes as he look at the blanket on the table.

Matt's eyes widen when he saw the anger in Mello's eyes, he drop the blanket and quickly back away from Mello, he climbing onto the bed when his back hit the bed.

Mello quietly pick up the blanket and glance towards Matt. "What is this? Were you trying to leave me again?" He ask gently as he walk towards Matt calmly.

Matt isn't stupid no far from that, after all he is the third in Wammy's and he wasn't even trying, he can see that even though Mello looks and sounds calm, under that mask he's angry...no...he's beyond angry, he's furious.

Matt swallow nervously as he try to think of an answer that won't get him into anymore trouble.

Not waiting for an answer, Mello quickly slam him onto the bed and pin him down.

"I'm not going to let you leave me again, Matt." He growl angrily as he tie Matt hands to the bed with the blanket.

Matt shake in fear as his eyes tear up, he has never seen Mello like this before and it's scaring him.

"Please stop this madness, Mello! Let me go!" He begged as he tag at the blanket, hoping to loosen it.

Mello narrow his eyes as he grab his chin roughly, making him look into his eyes. "You're mine and I have no intention on letting you go."

Matt whimper softly as he look into Mello's eyes only to see anger in them. "Please Mello...let me go...please just go back to Near-"

Mello snarl at Matt and grab his neck tightly. "Don't say that name! Don't you dare talk about the bastard in front of me!"

"I-I'm so-sorry Me-Mello. I-I wo-won't talk a-about hi-him again. Pl-please let go. Yo-you're c-ch-choking m-me." Matt begged as he was starting to feel a little light headed from the lack of air.

Mello loosen his hold on his neck but not letting go of it as Matt greedily breathe in as much air as he can.

Matt flinch slightly as Mello gently caress his cheek with his other hand. "I'll never let you leave me...you're all I have left..."

Matt's eyes widen as he stare at Mello. Near broke up with Mello? He wondered, knowing that Mello would never break up with Near...he loved him too much to break up with him...

Mello let go of Matt's neck, he leans down and kiss him gently.

Matt flinch and try to throw him off but is pin down by Mello as he deepen the kiss.

Matt gave up and just lay there, letting Mello kiss him but not kissing back as tears flow down his face.

Matt tries to throw Mello off of him again when he took off his boxers and stroke him gently.

Matt moan softly as the unwanted pleasure that is force onto him made him hard, he toss and turn in an attempt to escape from Mello but he easily pin him down with his own weight.

He jerk slightly when he felt Mello slide one of his fingers into him.

No...this can't be happening... He close his eyes tightly, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Matt whimper softly as Mello added another finger and scissored him. He ache his back, moaning loudly as Mello add another finger and gently rub his sweet spot.

Mello pulled out his fingers and Matt had to bite my lip to keep from protesting. Mello quickly took off his pants, he lifted Matt's ankles over his shoulders placed his erection at his entrance.

Matt's eyes widen in fear as his try to throw Mello off of him. "No Mello! Please don't!" He begged as he look at him fearfully.

"Shh...it'll be alright, Matt. I'll be gentle." He gently kiss away his tears and gently push the tip in.

Matt cries, not believe this is happening as Mello continue push deeper into him. He cried out in pleasure and slight pain. "Mello!"

Mello gently suck on the soft spot on his neck as he thrust slowly, gently hitting his sweet spot.

Mello smirk, he watch Matt as he moan loudly and melt into pleasure under him, knowing that he's the only one that knows all his pleasure spot.

"Tell me Matt, do you have anyone else that's please you like this?" He purr as he slow down and purposely missing his sweet spot knowing it'll make him talk.

Matt whimper softly "N-no Mello. I've never been with anyone other than you. Please...I need you." He moan out, no longer being able to think about anything else other than wanting Mello.

Mello's eyes darken with lust when he heard that he is the only Matt has been with, he thrust into him faster, hitting his sweet spot every time. "You're mine, Matt. Say that you're mine."

"I-I'm yours, Mello!~ No one else!~ I belong to you only, Master Mello!~ F-faster Master! Thrust into me harder! Make me yours!" He yelled out, knowing all to well that was one thing Mello loved to hear.

Mello groan, he untie Matt's hands, he thrust faster and harder as he grab Matt's erection and started pumping him in time with the thrusts.

Matt wrap his arms around Mello, moaning into his ear. Mello grab Matt's red hair tightly, jerk his head back slightly and kiss him passionately.

Matt kiss him back passionately as move his hips along with Mello's thrusting. "Ma-master!~ I-I'm going to cum!~ Please let me cum, Master!~" He moan out.

Mello thrust harder and stroke him faster. "Go on, Matt~ Cum for me~" He gently nip his soft spot.

Matt throw his head back, aching his back while moaning Mello's name loudly as he cum into Mello's hand.

Mello groan as Matt tighten around him, he bite down onto Matt's shoulder hard, breaking the skin as he cum into him.

Mello bite down harder, making sure it'll leave a scar before letting go and gently lick away the blood.

He smirks as he looks down at the redhead. "Promise me, Matt. Promise me you'll always be mine only and that you'll never leave me." He knows that no matter what happens Matt will never break his promise to him.

Matt looked up at Mello, eyes slightly closed as he come down from his high. "I promise I'll never leave you, Mello. And I promise I'll always be yours only." He matter softly and slowly fall asleep, too tired to stay awake.

Mello grin widely, he lay down next to him, hugging him closely and wrap the blanket around them. "From now on your mine, Matt. All mine. And I'll never let you go." He whisper softly as he falls asleep.


	6. Chapter 6: Mine

Matt wakes up the next morning, he cuddle closer to his pillow as he yawn softly only to sit up in shock when his 'pillow' move slightly.

He looked down and whimpers softly when he saw Mello sleeping next to him.

So it wasn't a dream...I-I gave into pleasure last night and made a promise to Mello...

Tears flow down his face. I can never leave Mello anymore...why...why do I have to be so loyal to the person who rape me?

He curled up and sob softly, waking Mello who sat up and hugs him gently.

"Shh...it's going to be alright now, Matt. I'll take good care of you." He whisper softly and gently kiss his cheek.

Matt flinches slightly and whimpers. "Why, Mello? Why did you do that to me?"

Mello gently kiss his forehead. "You're mine, Matt. I can't have you leave me again. I'll go get us our breakfast." He got out of bed and walk out of the room.

Matt watches him leave with teary eyes as he wraps the blanket around himself tightly.

He looks down and saw Mello's pants, he quietly walk towards it and pick it up, he look through the pockets and grin when he found Mello's phone.

Yes! Now to call Near to see if he knows what's wrong with Mello.

He quickly call Near and waited nervously for him to pick up.

Come on, Near! Answer the phone! Mello could be back any minute now!

"Hello." Near greeted softly.

"Near! Oh thank god you answered!" Matt sighs in relief.

"Matt? Why are you calling me with Mello's number?"

"Err...yeah that's not important now, did you get into a fight with Mello?"

"I guess you can put it that way."

"Look whatever he did I'm sure he's very sorry and won't do it again. You should give him another chance."

"...It is not what he did, Matt. It is what he did not do."

Matt blink in surprise. "What didn't he do?"

"He has not been answering my calls and when he calls me it is always to ask if I know where you are...he loves you, Matt. It is not fair to anyone for us to stay together."

"What? You broke up with him because he wasn't paying attention to you? Really Near? You should know he's like that when he's focused on something. That's no reason to break up with him."

"It is already done. I am not going to change my mind."

"But Near-" Matt jump slightly when he heard something being put down violently.

He looks towards the door only to see Mello glaring at him with their breakfast on the table next to the door. "What do you think you're doing, Matt?" Mello asked coldly. He rip the phone out of his hand and throw it against the wall hard enough for it to break into two.

Matt cries as the phone hit the wall and back away from Mello.

Mello quickly reach out and pull him back by his hair, making him look into his eyes. "Answer me, Matt. Why did you call him? Do you like him better? Did you call him to save you?" He hissed angrily.

Matt eyes tear up as he tries to loosen Mello tight hold on his hair. "No Mello. I only wanted to know what happened between the two of you. I promise I won't call him ever again. Please let go, you're hurting me." He whimpers.

Mello's eyes soften when he look into Matt's teary eyes and saw that he's telling the truth, he let go of Matt's hair and gently rub his head. "You could have asked me if you wanted to know. I would have told you."

"But you didn't wanted me to talk about him." Matt matter softly as he looks down.

Mello gently cup his head, lifting his head up and look into his eyes. "I know you'll ask, Matt. And I was ready to answer you." He said softly so he doesn't scare him.

"I'm sorry, Mello. I didn't know..." He said softly.

Mello gently kiss his forehead. "It's alright, Matt. I forgive you."

Matt smile slightly. "Thank you, Mello."

"Hey Matt...can you sing for me? You have a very beautiful voice." Mello look into his eyes as he rest his forehead Matt's.

Matt blush slightly as he nods. "Do you have a piano? It's better if I sing with the music. And don't worry, I won't run away I promised I'll stay with you remember?" He said the last part when he saw Mello hesitant.

Mello nods as he unlock the collar and hand him his clothes before getting dressed himself.

Matt quickly get dressed and follow Mello to the living room where there's a piano sitting at the side.

Matt sat down and gently open it, he started playing the piano and sing Where Do We Draw the Line by Poets Of The Fall.

On your palm an endless wonder

The lines that speak the truth without a sound

And in your eyes awaits the tireless hunger

Already looks for prey to run down

Matt close his eyes as he let his fingers dance across the keys.

So why do we keep up this charade

N' how do we tell apart the time to leave from the time to wait

Mello lean against the back of the couch as he watch Matt play the piano professionally and listen to his beautiful voice.

What does tomorrow want from me

What does it matter what I see

If it can't be my design

Tell me where do we draw the line

Tell me where do we draw the line

Mello close his eyes, feeling himself calm down as he listen to Matt.

The dance of flames and shadows in the street

Make poetry nobody's ever heard

The weight of loneliness stands on your feet

The cage already there around the bird

Mello smile slightly as he relax.

So why don't we join the masquerade

Before it falls apart, before our love becomes insatiate

Mello open his eyes slightly and walk towards Matt.

What does tomorrow want from me

What does it matter what I see

If I can't choose my own design

Tell me where do we draw the line

Mello stood behind Matt, he watches as his body seems to be moving along with the music.

What does tomorrow want from me

What does it matter what I see

If we all walk behind the blind

Tell me where do we draw the line

Tell me where do we draw the line

Mello close his eyes as he listen to his voice closely.

Where's the cooling wind

Where's the evergreen field

Where's my mother's open arms

Where's my father lionheart

S'like the sun's gone down

Sleeps in the hallowed ground now

With the autumn's browns leaves

With the one who never grieves

He can hear it, he can feel it. The emotions Matt put into each word he sing.

So why do we keep up this charade

N' how do we tell apart the time to leave from the time to wait

Mello quickly thought back to all the times he listened to Matt sing and realised he has always poured his emotions into every song he sings.

What does tomorrow want from me

What does it matter what I see

If it can't be my design

Tell me where do we draw the line

Mello hugs him gently from behind and gently nuzzle his shoulder.

Whatever tomorrow wants from me

At least I'm here, at least I'm free

Free to choose to see the signs

This is my line

Matt close his eyes sadly and lean against Mello once he has finished the song...knowing that he'll never be free...there is no way to break away from the invisible collar he has around his neck...and there's no way Mello will ever let go of the leash...he is his till the day one of them die...no...if Mello die he will die too...even in death he'll still be holding onto the leash tightly and will pull him down with him sooner or later...and when that day come he'll gladly follow him...because he know he'll never be able to live without him anymore.

Mello lean down and gently kiss him lovingly. "You're mine, all mine. I'm not sharing, neither am I going to let you go. I love you, Mail."

Matt kiss him back lovingly "All yours. I belong to you only. No one else. I'm never leaving

you. I love you too, Mihael."

Yes...not even death will break them apart...they'll be together forever.


End file.
